SENTIMENTAL EXPERIENCE

Hello,
I started a relationship with a man named B, whom I met online.
He waited three years for a girl he had never met and claimed to have loved her passionately. But nothing ever materialized between them. Illusion or fantasy? Perhaps both.
When I started to get interested in him and he in me, I asked him who I was to him, making it clear that I needed something concrete, even though it was a long-distance relationship.
So we met twice, and the exchange went very well: complicity, tenderness, intimacy, conversation—all the ingredients were there. We didn’t expect such a connection, something so strong right from the start, which destabilized us both, since I’m also coming out of a breakup. The difference is that I lived and shared a real life with my ex-boyfriend, and I thought I would never get over it, whereas B remained in the virtual realm.
A while ago, I found out that B had signed up on a dating site, where he “flirts” with women but doesn’t take it any further—his “recess,” as he put it. He’s been on that site for three years and can’t seem to get off it. So I did the same, and his reaction is to make my life miserable even though I’m not doing anything—neither responding to the men who are circling me nor sending any messages myself. He can’t stand it and tries to blackmail me, basically saying, “If you don’t delete your account, there will be nothing constructive between us,” “It’s over between us,” and then he comes back because I don’t give in.
I would say the problem with all of this is twofold, and I am afraid that by now it is deep-seated and irreversible.
He tells me he wants to get off the internet (he has removed himself from two dating sites he was on, probably just as a gesture), but he continues on another one, promising to come see me, saying he needs something concrete and doesn't want to lose me, and today it's been six weeks since we last saw each other. Even though he claims I'm missing to him, I'm supposed to be patient, but patient about what? Since he neither sets nor clarifies things, like the date he would come, for example, but nothing.
He dares to say that I’m making fun of him, even though he’s maintaining virtual relationships that supposedly bring him nothing, and even on vacation he finds a way to log on to that site, while I’m the one who gets the bad rap.
I had had enough of our endless arguments, so I gave him an ultimatum, one that only his free will is confronted with: “Until you announce your arrival, which I hope for all my heart, it is best that we stop contacting each other.” (Among other things, he hangs up on me every time he is in the wrong.)
Reactions: phone calls, messages at 3 a.m. trying to make me feel guilty. I don't respond until he gets it; he says he wants something constructive, but in fifteen days of vacation, not a single one for me. So my slap!
I’m afraid of the outcome, but at least I’ll know for sure.
And what do you say?
Thank you to those who will read and be able to reply to me.
Julie

liloo,

Well, I say, this is truly Kafkaesque…

So there’s a lot of work to be done down here…

I think you're brave for continuing the melodrama...

to say that one can encounter this kind of situation without realizing it at first…

I don't know what you take away from this, but all I know is that the guy needs a therapist and you probably need to move on…

I'm giving you a big hug

Lollipop

To add to your courage

There are people who love to manipulate, and they go so far as to invent a life for themselves, with people they choose according to a certain profile; you will ask me what the point of that is.

There aren’t really any, it’s virtual for them in the sense that they create a setting with people they come into contact with and manipulate for fun, sometimes they even go so far as to talk about it with other weirdos and fans of strategy games, or something like The Sims, those games where you create people or cities that you manage, except that this is real life…

Yeah, sure! The 21st century and its virtual side aren't all about goodwill…

These people often use dating sites to find their victims…

So when a situation gets confusing, it’s better to say CIAO if you don’t want to end up screwed… lol!

Lollipop

Thank you, my Lolly
What I take away from it? Hard to say… a sense of powerlessness, but not of submission…
What his father destroyed in him by telling him he was nothing, that he would never amount to anything in his life—he was forbidden from everything until he was twenty, but everything!
I find it a shame that B was destroyed, because I believe there is good in all of us. I may be naive, but that is simply the love I have for people in general and the ability to forgive them.
I know, it's really stupid…

liloo

Your love for people is an honor to you, but there are limits to everything.

And I don’t think we should accept everything in the name of love…

But be blessed for your state of mind

A kiss to you

lollipop