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The Negative Ram or the Scabby Sheep
Agitated and foul-mouthed, our madwoman is so convinced that brute force can overcome anything that she plunges headfirst into any situation and stubbornly and pointlessly attacks people who have done her no harm but have the misfortune of being weaker than her. She takes a malicious pleasure in persecuting those around her, including her family, finding sadistic joy in humiliating and provoking her neighbors in order to feel superior.
A clumsy and naive arrival, she will almost invariably mistake her adversary or cause, and her resentment will be directed at the innocent, for she has been embittered by life and does not see why others should have the right to be happy.
Easily swayed by those who speak the loudest or who spew hatred, she will be blinded by rhetoric that flatters her ego while she blames all her failures on a “scapegoat.”
Selfish, unjust, and gluttonous, our black sheep easily turns to misanthropy and depravity, since the only interest it has left in life is to indulge to the fullest, regardless of the cost or consequences.
Prone to slipping into salon despotism, irascible and belligerent, she can be as physically brutal as she is verbally. Her lack of tact will be matched only by her hot-tempered and childish character.
The Negative Bull or Enraged Cow
Stubborn and even obtuse to the last degree, our Mad Cow will not even bother to listen to others, so convinced is she of the soundness of her ideas. Common sense, logic, or even good manners are therefore useless arguments: the Mad Cow is right, period.
Furthermore, the negative Taurus develops a deplorable greed in all areas and seeks to accumulate, to have, and to keep. This is true for food, for money, and for the “loved” people toward whom he cultivates a morbid jealousy and a sclerosing possessiveness.
This fierce drive to acquire, retain, and hoard can lead him to many vices (avarice, swindling, pettiness…), and the worst is probably that our Rabid Cow will invariably want to get the maximum while doing the minimum, hence the behavior of a shameless parasite and opportunist.
Willing to be coarse, vulgar, and brutal in both his words and his actions, he will be envious and will not hesitate to destroy others' happiness if he gets the chance.
Is it useful to specify that sexual debauchery fully contributes to his sensual greed and that he will consider all means (betrayal, venality, lies, etc.) fair game to achieve his ends?
Since all intellectual faculties are directed toward hedonism and cunning, it is fair to say that this individual will be neither wise nor capable of deep reflection, as only the appearance and materiality of things matter to him.
The Negative Twins or The False Brothers
Men and women alike, who confuse wit with immaturity, lightness with superficiality, and curiosity with nosiness, the negative Geminis or False Brothers think only of having fun, do their work sloppily, and are true viper tongues. Their fine intellectual faculties are entirely directed toward hypocrisy, cunning, and lying, to such an extent that one is rarely far from pathological mythomania.
Very often, negative Geminis lead a double life, one respectable and the other condemnable (particularly because it is tainted by gambling, scandals, or fabrications). The False Brothers, as one might have guessed, are also false friends, false husbands, false fathers… in the sense that they cannot help but resort to duplicity, to lie, and to see their own interest everywhere. In this case, the heart of the Gemini is dry: they are entirely rational, even logical, and the end therefore justifies the means, as personal ethics are virtually non-existent.
Money generally burns his fingers, and if the Gemini/Mercurian does everything to get it quickly and in large quantities (i.e., fraudulently), he is unable to keep it, as he is a poor manager and spends ostentatiously.
The Twins will manage to learn a thousand trivial things in order to keep up appearances, shine in society, and dazzle others, but if you scratch the surface, you will quickly realize that they have no solid foundation. Naturally, since the False Brothers get bored quickly and tire of everything, one should not be surprised by their infidelity and their sudden disappearance.
Negative Cancer or Old Crab
The Old Crab, of a morbid emotional sensitivity, is an easy prey for his surroundings, his naivety, and his tendency to flee from responsibilities and the very principle of reality. Withdrawn into his shell and his personal fantasies, he soon blends into a pebble, inert, mute, and entirely dependent on his environment which shapes him.
Often very insecure and very whiny, he can erupt into a flash of anger to fool everyone, yet deep down he has no certainty whatsoever and will blindly follow the last person to have spoken.
Rather than opening up to the world and reaching out, he will tend to draw others into his bubble, into his decline, and, provided his charm is effective, he will manage to evoke enough pity from his surroundings that his poor victims (chosen primarily from within his family) eventually fall in with his game and accompany him down the steep slope of his fantasies and approximations.
Whimsical and extremely sensitive, his passivity drives him toward nostalgia or even neurasthenia, and he is an eternal whiner who will seek his balance through a strong person, a rock, to whom he will cling like a shellfish and from whom he will gradually vampirize the vital marrow, the energy, the vigor.
Often, our Old Crab will give exaggerated priority to his intuition, often distorted by his fantasies, and he will therefore be the man or woman of great idiotic inspirations, of martingales that do not work, of far-fetched and unrealistic projects. Obviously, he systematically blames his failures on others, on society, or on a cursed destiny.
The Lion or the Kinglet of the Zoo
Puffed up with misplaced pride and boundless self-satisfaction, our Zoo Kinglet will try to be a guide, a mentor, a leader, but at best will end up being a ruthless petty tyrant or an arrogant pedant. He will then become a guru, a capo, or a manipulator, because deep down, the means don't matter, as long as one has power and the feeling of being indispensable.
The Lion’s natural generosity will, in the Kinglet, be perverted into a belief that everything can be bought, unless it becomes ostentatious waste and prestige-driven extravagance.
In any case, our negative Lion is only interested in his own fate and image, and will indulge heavily in narcissism, blindness, and self-absorption.
Always placing himself above the common man, he will cultivate megalomania while believing himself to be humble and modest, as he will lack any self-reflection and will scorn his detractors and advisors alike, wrongly convinced that he can never be wrong.
Snobbish and elitist, grandiloquent and vain, his oversized ego will generally prevent him from seeing that he is the laughingstock of everyone, as he is incapable of questioning himself for even a single second.
His creative genius is often squandered because he cannot tolerate either criticism or comparison, and therefore prefers to offer nothing to a boorish public.
The Negative Virgin or the Foolish Virgin
Champion of free criticism, nitpicky judgment, and perpetual nitpicking, the Foolish Virgin lives in a world where nothing is right and intends to say so with terrifying regularity. However, she does not truly seek solutions, does not approach problems with distance or synthesis, let alone with constructivism. She is content to see the bad side of everything and then scrutinize the next thing.
Taking herself rather seriously despite her numerous inhibitions, boring nature, and dreadful reputation as a killjoy and eternal complainer, the Foolish Virgin is touchy, prudish, and often paranoid from suspecting everything and everyone.
By isolating herself through constant grumbling, the Foolish Virgin knows little of pleasure, and her social and sensual frustration only intensifies both her withdrawn nature and her tendency to criticize everything.
Distant, snobbish, affected, and "prude," she will easily make people uncomfortable or make them laugh (underhandedly).
Emotionality is blocked, preventing all creativity, originality, and spontaneity. Thus, the negative Virgo will almost always lock themselves into a depressing routine, into obsessiveness.
Yet, if she ever falls in love, she will become the ultimate doormat, playing both the part of the idiotic groupie and that of Jiminy Cricket, capable of fawning over her partner to get a ride and then tearing him apart with criticism the moment the front door is crossed…
Negative Balance or Unbalanced Balance
To appear and to be lazy are the two teats of our Lopsided Libra. Although potentially charming and talented, the Lopsided Libra, having no will other than to strut and have fun, retreats into pragmatic demands such as being the most beautiful, having all the comfort, and doing as little as possible. She will spend an enormous amount of time taking care of herself (beauty care, medical visits, dietician, UV…) and will quickly develop a Narcissus complex, even if she does not always objectively have the assets to justify spending so much energy preserving her hypothetical looks…
Traditionalist and moralistic, the negative Libra will readily lecture others about trivialities and will often be a venomous tongue, but if someone has the misfortune to criticize her, not only will she fail to acknowledge it, but she will hold a grudge against the insolent person for even longer… It’s that she sees herself as so pure, so gentle, so perfect!
Dependent on others because she advocates the path of least resistance (never leave for tomorrow what someone else can do for you today), a consummate manipulator (she has a gift for making others feel guilty and playing on their sensitive chords), her egoism is such that the misfortunes of the world, far from moving her to pity, disturb and irritate her. Therefore, please leave your problems at the threshold when entering her home.
Her relationship with the hierarchy is specific: obsequious toward the powerful, whose support she seeks, she will be relentless, even cruel, toward those from whom she has nothing to gain.
The Negative Scorpion or Venomous Beast
The Venomous Beast is primarily focused on sex, expressing it in an orgiastic, perverse, or obsessive manner. Its entire life revolves around this single domain, which inevitably spills over into others: it will be the lecherous boss, the colleague who grabs at butts, the nymphomaniac aunt, the friend with dirty jokes, the family’s shameful son, or the exhibitionist neighbor. If it is too ugly, too decrepit, or too stingy to actually engage in it, it will still think about it all day long.
Of course, one should not expect great values of the soul in the negative Scorpio, since his life is governed by his lower belly and love, friendship, respect, and charity are vague abstractions to him.
His will, because it is subject to a domination complex, is strong. He is demanding, critical, and cruel, for he derives from his inclinations an alternative to his libido, that same pleasure of autocratic enjoyment.
There is no doubt that he is a dangerous and relentless enemy, for his obsessive mentality enables him to focus all his energy on a single person, with a single goal. Moreover, he takes pleasure in destroying, defiling, and degrading, and finds a sick pleasure in soiling and ruining both things and people.
In short, this venomous creature is excessive and unyielding, alternating between icy and volcanic moods depending on the circumstances and its own whims. For her, the end justifies the means, and personal satisfaction supersedes everything else.
The Negative Sagittarius or the Mule
A thick-skinned specialist in provocation and bluntness, a petty swindler and first-rate crook, the Canasson has few scruples, and his sole aim is to indulge in all the material pleasures of existence: feasts, sex, and power.
Willingly risqué, a three-penny Don Juan with heavy-handed romanticism, the negative Sagittarius is the kind of character who never goes unnoticed and who triggers sighs and eye-rolls when he shows up somewhere and starts putting on his act.
A profiteur who craves admiration, he will always try to surround himself with people naiver or stupider than himself in order to feel important and to fully exploit those who can be exploited (from the naive teenager to the gullible priest, passing through the innocent countryman).
The Canasson will generally live beyond his means, swindle as much as he can, and will always want to appear more than he is (richer, stronger, more famous…). He may succeed through bluster and his overconfidence, but even the slightest skeptical interlocutor will quickly discover that he is dealing with a balloon, a giant filled with air.
A smooth talker and unfaithful at heart, he will regard his partners as so many victims on his hunting trophy wall and will not hesitate to mix financial matters with love, for instance stripping a one-night stand of her jewelry.
A brazen charlatan with an excessive confidence in his good luck, he is the kind of person who would try to pass counterfeit currency to the Treasury...
The Negative Capricorn or Barbant the Bearded
Barbant the Bearded One is, as his nickname suggests, a depressing, austere, and pessimistic character, very strict about principles and etiquette. He is a petty and cowardly individual who tries to assert himself through slyness and stubbornness, as he is greedy in all things but also envious and a social climber.
The negative Capricorn, being a deeply introverted person, often appears as a fragile, unassuming little man or woman, but do not be deceived: they have an insatiable thirst for power and wealth, likely fueled by numerous complexes and inhibitions.
Severe, pompous, and lacking in brilliance, he wears people down, and his mind operates like a colossal offensive computer that records every detail and then uses it at the opportune moment to inflict maximum damage. His mode of action is rarely direct, and his entire life seems, in any case, shrouded in secrecy: wealthy, he will dress in rags and continue to lament his fate; powerful, he will arrange for someone else to take the spotlight in his place and take a malicious pleasure in pulling the strings from behind the scenes.
The Bearded Barbant will often be unpleasant company, and his limited circle of acquaintances (family and a few colleagues) will have to endure his gloomy moods and generalized resentment.
Angry at his own sensuality, wary of any relaxation of his self-control, he will often develop a perverse side that is likely to spill over into every aspect of his miserable existence.
Negative Aquarius or Old Barrel
Old Barrel is a muddled, scattered, and often eccentric individual who takes pleasure in doing everything contrary to what is recommended, even if it harms himself or his loved ones. His entire nature is geared toward systematic and gratuitous rebellion, and his highly egotistical mind will seem deranged to the common man.
The Negative Aquarius is a fake humanist, a fake reformer, and a fake friend, because deep down, only his singularity interests him, and his ideas are generally as wrong as his logic is flawed.
Of an uneven temperament, capable of shifting from idiotic enthusiasm to icy indifference, he fails to set a goal and stick to it, as he is in perpetual contradiction with himself, and his decisions are often absurd, being based solely on his desire to stand out.
Often stingy, even rapacious, he will love to cheat and swindle, finding in this attitude a new way to express his innate revolt against the world. A deplorable businessman, being too reckless and too unstable, he will often specialize in odd jobs and petty scams.
The Old Barrel, on a sentimental level, will only seek to be admired, as he is utterly incapable of any kind of devotion. Moreover, he will prefer his bar and swindling friends to his own family.
A specialist in self-deception and global indifference, he or she will muddle through from one crisis to another, always prioritizing the superfluous over the essential, and thus capable of trading their house for a hypothetical gold mine in Paraguay…
Negative Fish or Fried Whiting
Devoid of any foresight, the Fried Whiting will attempt to take refuge in a life filled with mirages and illusions, revealing themselves to be unstable and confused beings.
Secret individuals, seeking anonymity and the dissolution of their person, always elusive, the Negative Fishes may lock themselves into muteness and the deepest isolation, into silence and solitude.
They tend to embellish every aspect of their fantastical lives, finding a happy (and absurd) ending to every story, as they are dreamy and naive by nature. Self-deception, pathological indecision, and escapism into artificial paradises characterize them.
The afflicted Neptunian is incapable of the slightest social ambition; he is content to be tossed about by events, as his often powerful fatalism paralyzes any urge to act or rebel. He may then be tempted by the paths of illegality, even though he is not of a violent temperament: it is the path of least resistance, of easy money. He will then be the rising swindler of far-fetched schemes, the distracted counterfeiter printing one-euro bills…
Always more or less paranoid or outright schizophrenic, social and romantic relationships are difficult; negative Pisces like to cast themselves as victims while, in the process, playing the role of the oppressors by constantly swimming in murky waters.
Anyway, the Fried Whiting seem to thrive on drama, tragedy, and murky situations, so count on them to ruin everything if needed.
Best regards and happy reading
The magician.
