Help me make a decision

I had a fight with my wife, and she left me in June 2005. Divorce proceedings have been initiated, and the trial is scheduled for February 7, 2006. We have two children, aged 18 and 16.5 respectively; they left her and are living with me. I love my wife Nadia, and I do not want to lose her. Please help me with your ideas to find common ground or a reconciliation. This fight was my mistake. Thank you a thousand times.

Hello Karam,

First of all, it’s beautiful, and it’s very good to acknowledge that you were in the wrong in this dispute with your wife.
When one is aware of the origin of a mistake they have made, a door remains open.
I don't know, apart from this dispute, what led your wife to file for divorce. Were there problems in your marriage in the past, and is this dispute the straw that broke the camel's back?
Why did your children choose to live with you? Do they have any complaints about their mother?
Have you already gone to conciliation before the judge?
Has a legal separation been granted by the judge?
I can see that you feel a lot of love for your wife. Have you told her?

Before February 7, 2006, the date of the trial. Try to meet her in a neutral location. I know it won’t be easy, but make her understand that you regret this argument. Then, little by little, speak gently and tell her what lies deepest within you, appealing to her sensitivity. Generally, everyone has a sensitive chord. Since she is your wife, I assume you must know what it is. Under the influence of anger, many people make hasty decisions without thinking. Let us hope that through your calm dialogues, things will gradually improve.
You try to leave with confidence in this approach.

Please don't hesitate to ask for help again, and let me know if you managed to speak with your wife.
I wish you good luck and see you soon.

Hello Karam,

I think Josy is right and that it is never too late and that nothing is ever lost.

Be confident and positive; there is always a solution to every problem.

friendship

Eliana

Good evening Karam,

Why do you say that this dispute was your mistake?
In my opinion, this dispute stems from a cry for help that you were unable to express in any other way than through this argument.
Your wife, and according to my perceptions, must be a rather authoritarian woman, with you being the cool dad in this story, and that is probably one of the reasons why your children are living with you today.
The common ground lies in, or will lie in, accepting concessions toward the other, in the love that you mutually bear for each other but that you are unable, or no longer able, to express.
Just tell your wife Nadia “I love you.” It seems to me that it must have been a very long time since you last said that magic word to her!
True love always ends up winning in the end!

The magician.

Hello Karam,
I find your message very moving.
I think the most important thing, if I may say so, is to know whether this divorce procedure stems from your argument or from a daily disagreement between you. If it was only initiated following that argument, I think nothing is unsolvable. As The Magician says, expressing your feelings to your wife and making her understand that despite everything that may have happened, you would not consider life without her will be one of the greatest proofs of love. Perhaps you could ask her to postpone at least this procedure and propose trying again, a trial period of living together for a few months.
If you truly made a serious mistake that triggered her desire to leave you, you might want to ask yourself these questions: 1. Is the mistake you made actually a mistake (in a general sense), or do you define it as a mistake because your wife sees it that way?
2. If you consider this event to be a truly serious mistake, can you do your best to change certain things about yourself to avoid repeating it?
If you are convinced on these two points, as they say, nothing can stop love. And above all, don't forget that marriage, divorce... these are just papers. Even if a divorce were to be pronounced (which I do not hope for), it is never too late to win back the one you love. What matters is the feelings.
Good luck, Karam, and good luck with what comes next! I hope your wife will recognize your loving approach in your apology and that she will be able to offer her own loving response through forgiveness. No one is perfect.
Good luck!

Natou

Hello Karam,

In my humble opinion, first of all, a relationship does not fall apart over a simple mistake. There are certainly many unspoken things that have accumulated. Furthermore, in a relationship, we are always at least two, and the problem never comes from just one side! Perhaps she took the opportunity that presented itself, even though she had already been thinking about it before your “mistake”?

I personally think that you should first respect your wife's decision. I am not saying this at all because I am a woman, but simply because if she has truly decided to leave you, you will do yourself a lot of harm by desperately holding on.

You can, for yourself and only for yourself, in order to see your story through to the end, share with him everything you feel for him, but you must also be aware that your approach may not lead anywhere. It is not enough to love for there to be harmony; that would be far too simple.

Furthermore, if you truly want to come out of this situation somewhat ahead, you must also accept the criticisms your wife has leveled against you and reflect on your own behavior.

When you feel at peace with yourself, if your wife still does not wish to come back, you will have to respect that if you do not want to lose yourself.

If one wants to do something constructive in life, one must not only question oneself but also take the necessary steps to change.

To conclude, if the magician simply says that, feeling that your wife is rather authoritarian and you are a cool dad, it may be time for your paths to diverge. As you grow older, you will no longer accept this authority, which, somewhere deep down, must have suited you if the situation was truly as described.

The less you cling on, the better it will be for you and those around you.

The important thing is to be very honest with oneself and to recognize our own patterns of behavior, which over time can drive others away.

That said, as I mentioned at the beginning of my email, it is possible that this “mistake” allowed your wife to take the step she had already been considering.

As far as I am concerned, when a person wants to leave us or the other way around, it is because what we had to bring to each other is over.

Life is movement; our wish is to live with the other to the very end, but we must also know how to accept that our path does not necessarily correspond to the one we would have liked to take.

Courage
Monica

I would first like to thank everyone who helped KARAM.

Karam, since you did not request clairvoyance, I am taking the liberty of moving this discussion to the “Outstretched Hand” forum, which is more suitable for this type of discussion and exchange.

I would like to tell you that, in all cases, you must keep hope; hope can be about getting back together with your wife, but it can also be about learning to no longer live with her, especially if she no longer wants to.

In my opinion, there is something very important missing from your question.

You are talking about a mistake on your part. What mistake? What exactly did you say and do?

Another question deserves an answer, Josy’s: “I can see that you feel a lot of love for your wife. Have you told her?”

Hello Karam,
I was wondering if there was any news regarding your situation?
Have you talked to your wife? Is it going better for you?

Natouchka