Hello Jo,
The few lines of your response perfectly summarize the conclusions that can be drawn from it.
At the beginning of our relationship, everything was going well; he told me everything he was doing...
All new and shiny, to make a good impression of himself, he played his part to perfection to fool everyone.
But in hindsight, I had noticed that he was quite moody, and as our relationship progressed, it only got stronger…
As they say, Jo, the natural instinct comes back with a vengeance, and the good role he had played properly for a while gradually faded, giving way to his true nature: a moody, unstable, and capricious demeanor that kept intensifying.
It's true that I wasn't always easy to deal with given his behavior.
And yes, Jo, you couldn't be natural, loving, or relaxed because you had someone across from you who radiated so much instability. How can one be at peace or live normally when one senses that the person they love is playing a double game and not acting like someone who is loving and attentive? Your reaction is normal, but unfortunately, it gave him a good reason, a good excuse, to end this relationship. It is not nice to manipulate someone who loves you, because that is what he did. I hope I am not hurting you more than you already are, but my role as a friend is not just to offer you a hand, but to be objective enough to help you see things clearly.
I am a very jealous person by nature.
It is legitimate to feel jealous, as we are never jealous of what we love, but try not to be overly jealous in the future, because excessive jealousy always causes unnecessary suffering for ourselves and does not always give us an advantage over others.
It’s also true that I’m always the one who makes the first move to start a relationship, but it’s just in my nature and I really struggle to resist.
And yes, it’s another recurring parameter: as long as one partner does what it takes for a couple to work, it may seem to function until the day things inevitably fall apart. We give all our energy, our love, we give ourselves body and soul, only to get meager results, unfortunately. And the day the man we love tells us he wants to break up, a part of ourselves goes with the breakup. It’s painful; we suffer in our flesh, in our soul. It is at that moment that we must find the strength to climb back up. It’s hard to do because we feel helpless, diminished. Now, Jo, ask yourself this question: if this man had not given you the personal satisfactions you experienced with him on an intimate level, do you think you would have experienced this breakup with as much suffering? I allow myself to speak to you about this because, from experience, I know that passionate love can be destructive.
A little idea: take a sheet of paper, draw a vertical line, and list this man’s positive points on the left and his negative points on the right. Having done so, I was surprised by the results and realized that I had been suffering for nothing.
Step back from this pain and tell yourself that no one is worth making you unhappy because of the suffering they inflict on you. Think of yourself, love yourself above all, and tell yourself that somewhere there is a person who will love you, respect you, and give you what you are entitled to expect. To do this, you must remain positive in order to give yourself the chance to experience a simple but lasting love.
I wish you a lot of courage, and don't forget that I'm here to help you grieve this romantic failure. This grief will not be easy, as you also have to grieve the loss of your father. I am thinking of you.